I am touching a really personal subject today: SEX.

If you are a Busy Mum with a busy career and a busy home, I'm sure you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

You've got millions of things to do and actually sex feels like another item to check on your to-do-list.

It's not that you don't want it or that you don't love your husband anymore...but most nights...you are exhausted.

You fantasise about your bed more than you fantasise about your man.

As soon as your head hits the pillow, you are gone.

Well...not quite...if you factor in the kids in your house who don't sleep through yet...and the ones who decide to cough all night...you're pretty much screwed.

See...you don't ever sleep a deep sleep cos you hear EVERYTHING.

You kinda have to...it's part of the job of being a mum right?


So...back to your husband...you can just feel his need.

You feel guilty about how much you've neglected him lately.

But you're a smart woman.

You know you better give him what he wants once in a while...otherwise someone else might fulfill that role for you!

The thing is...when you've been really really really tired, you've even wondered if you could maybe hire someone to cross this all-important item off your list!

And trust me you're not the only one who' has thought about that one...I've made that joke too about delegating my wifely duties to someone younger without children...thenanny perhaps?

This is outrageous...I know.

Anyways...when it comes to sex, it's hard to keep up with men because they don't have much to do in the evening.

Apart from watching TV or playing with their phones and maybe give your dirty kids a bath if you're lucky...the're pretty much idle the whole time.

Meanwhile, after a long day at work or hustling for you business, your second shift starts.

Cook dinner, give dinner, clear up dinner, hoover half of the dinner thatsomehow ended up under the table, load the dishwasher, make pack lunches, read bedtime story, read another bedtime story, get uniforms ready for tomorrow...should I carry on?

By 11pm, when your other half gives you a hint that it's time to perform your wifely duty, you internally roll your eyes.

Really? After all the work you've done today?

And then comes the famous and torterous decision-making: should I, should I not?

You don't want to force yourself because you are a liberated modern woman.

At the same time though, you don't want to let him down...he gets really grumpy otherwise which will make your life even more difficult.

So you give in...you play the game...as fast as you can cos you're kinda watching the clock at the same time!

Only 6 hours now before you're due to wake up...and that's without the night shift and the 3am cough fits from your kid.

When it comes to sex, Modern Mums do the best they can.

Sometimes they're bothered, sometimes they're not.

What's most personal is most universal.

We're all in the same boat.

Don't beat yourself up if you haven't bought new lingerie in the past 6 months.

You'll come around to it.

You're doing the best you can to keep your business, your career, your home and your marriage afloat (probably in this order by the way).

Be kind to yourself. Release some of the guilt you feel. You haven't done anything wrong.

Do what feels good to you...

Here is what works for me:

Have sex as much or as little as you want to...but when you make love to your husband...make love like you mean it...like it matters.

From my heart to yours....

Nancy Florence

Nancy Ajavon